Independence: Real v. Perceived

Published on 25 April 2020 by Kyla R.


Whether you feel as if you’re dependent on your parents, friends, or partner(s)…Sometimes we all feel as if we aren’t contributing much to the pile. So that’s where the recurring question of, “How do I change this?” comes in.

I’ve always been the kind of person who tries to keep a positive and optimistic outlook on life and all the crazy events and scenarios that comes with it. Especially when you’re younger (early teens, late teens, early twenties) it’s hard to feel independent if you’re anything like me. If you’re part of the typical family, you go off to college and continue mooching off your family or end up taking loans for schooling. In some cases, you do both (like me). So how can you be more independent with the help of others? Here are some things that have helped me.

Consider Your Future. Seriously.

So many younger adults don’t actually plan for the future. If you’re anything like me, that kinda sounds insane. (Once you get into the planning mindset, you can never get out. It’s like a stressful maze sometimes!) I’m not telling you to get a job with a retirement fund and start working full time now or buy yourself a house (well, maybe. You’ll see)!

We have all fantasized about our futures. If you’ve ever had any serious relationship, you’ve probably thought “hey, I wonder where this will go,” and if not, hopefully you do at one point or another! But there’s a point where dreaming of your future and actually acting on your dreams and communicating them to others needs to be a serious consideration.

Communication is Key! Always!

People always told me this when I was younger… But why? I feel like many people say so much about communication and how important it is, while most of them are horrendous communicators (no offense…okay maybe a little). Learning to understand non-verbal cues and truly understanding your family or partner takes time because it’s hard to break out of your habits. I used to be terrible with yelling, and I still am. Especially when it comes to feeling as if I’m dependent, I sometimes will have a hard time admitting how I’m feeling, which is a big no-no.

The best way to get the independence and a feeling of being “independent” and not tied down is by expressing your discomfort in a constructive way. Constructive is the key word here. Yelling, accusing, and in general harassing someone because you don’t like how you feel in a situation does not fix things! You’re way more likely to fix issues if you stay calm and address the situation at hand.

One key note I would definitely like to bring up is this, “Just because you are calm, doesn’t mean the other person will be.” I’ve learned this from arguments between me and my boyfriend. It’s oftentimes very very hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, especially in the heat of the moment. But even explaining that you’re trying can oftentimes help and help them realize that you are trying. And that’s the best thing that you can do during tense conversations!

Real Independence v. Wanted

We are all human. And most times, it feels like an incredible privilege (if you’re like me, again)! Other times, not so much. We make mistakes and that happens, but it’s how you fix them that matters to you and your future. Being independent is great, but we all should learn how to depend on others as well. There’s a difference in being “independent” and being truly independent, where you are disconnected from everyone else. Knowing the difference really helps put your life in perspective.

Being independent and more of a mind state than literal most times. Independence implies that you do not depend on anyone or anything but yourself. In theory, it’s a great way to be. But at the end of the day, most of us want to be loved and cared for too. It’s a human thing!


Next week you can look forward to some Episode tips again, TBA. If you are not following for episode, next week’s article may not be for you. Thank you for all the support I’ve been receiving on Instagram as well! I hope you’re enjoying both halves of me through my writing. Till then! ❤

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