Published on 25 April 2020 by Kyla R.

Whether you feel as if you’re dependent on your parents, friends, or partner(s)…Sometimes we all feel as if we aren’t contributing much to the pile. So that’s where the recurring question of, “How do I change this?” comes in.

I’ve always been the kind of person who tries to keep a positive and optimistic outlook on life and all the crazy events and scenarios that comes with it. Especially when you’re younger (early teens, late teens, early twenties) it’s hard to feel independent if you’re anything like me. If you’re part of the typical family, you go off to college and continue mooching off your family or end up taking loans for schooling. In some cases, you do both (like me). So how can you be more independent with the help of others? Here are some things that have helped me.

Consider Your Future. Seriously.

So many younger adults don’t actually plan for the future. If you’re anything like me, that kinda sounds insane. (Once you get into the planning mindset, you can never get out. It’s like a stressful maze sometimes!) I’m not telling you to get a job with a retirement fund and start working full time now or buy yourself a house (well, maybe. You’ll see)!

We have all fantasized about our futures. If you’ve ever had any serious relationship, you’ve probably thought “hey, I wonder where this will go,” and if not, hopefully you do at one point or another! But there’s a point where dreaming of your future and actually acting on your dreams and communicating them to others needs to be a serious consideration.

Communication is Key! Always!

People always told me this when I was younger… But why? I feel like many people say so much about communication and how important it is, while most of them are horrendous communicators (no offense…okay maybe a little). Learning to understand non-verbal cues and truly understanding your family or partner takes time because it’s hard to break out of your habits. I used to be terrible with yelling, and I still am. Especially when it comes to feeling as if I’m dependent, I sometimes will have a hard time admitting how I’m feeling, which is a big no-no.

The best way to get the independence and a feeling of being “independent” and not tied down is by expressing your discomfort in a constructive way. Constructive is the key word here. Yelling, accusing, and in general harassing someone because you don’t like how you feel in a situation does not fix things! You’re way more likely to fix issues if you stay calm and address the situation at hand.

One key note I would definitely like to bring up is this, “Just because you are calm, doesn’t mean the other person will be.” I’ve learned this from arguments between me and my boyfriend. It’s oftentimes very very hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, especially in the heat of the moment. But even explaining that you’re trying can oftentimes help and help them realize that you are trying. And that’s the best thing that you can do during tense conversations!

Real Independence v. Wanted

We are all human. And most times, it feels like an incredible privilege (if you’re like me, again)! Other times, not so much. We make mistakes and that happens, but it’s how you fix them that matters to you and your future. Being independent is great, but we all should learn how to depend on others as well. There’s a difference in being “independent” and being truly independent, where you are disconnected from everyone else. Knowing the difference really helps put your life in perspective.

Being independent and more of a mind state than literal most times. Independence implies that you do not depend on anyone or anything but yourself. In theory, it’s a great way to be. But at the end of the day, most of us want to be loved and cared for too. It’s a human thing!

Next week you can look forward to some Episode tips again, TBA. If you are not following for episode, next week’s article may not be for you. Thank you for all the support I’ve been receiving on Instagram as well! I hope you’re enjoying both halves of me through my writing. Till then! ❤

Published on 4 April, 2020 by Kyla R.

During times like these where it seems like we would be the happiest will all of our extra time, its hardening when the sad reality sets in. Being busy oftentimes distracts us from realizing how unhappy we may be with ourselves and our lack of hobbies or activities. So today, we are going to discuss how we can all keep ourselves happiest during a time where we typically stuck all on our own, even when surrounded by others.

Try New Hobbies

Never knock it, til’ you try it, guys. There are so many hobbies and activities you may have judged too harshly at one point that may have been your perfect match. You have all the time now! Other than allotted work or school hours, of course.

Even though you have a hobby already, have you tried some others? I myself feel like I’m all hobbied up already, so I wouldn’t dare to find another at this point. But that’s likely since I have more than one at this point! If you don’t and have been feeling like you have too much down time, try something new!

When I was young, I was sent to so many lessons. I tried guitar, ballet, other dancing lessons like salsa and hip-hop, drawing, painting, piano, etc. It’s sad to say that I never actually stuck with any of them. It wasn’t until I hit highschool when I began doing things more independently that I began playing the Trumpet (which I no longer do, but 7 years of playing, IMO, is plenty enough) and writing online. But if it wasn’t for my background in about twenty other activities, I would never have become so easily adaptable and easy to talk to as I am now.

Not sure where to start? Take a look at this list and pick something that calls out to you! Maybe it’ll stick around for a few years like mine did.

Start a New Project

Have you been wanting to fix up your backyard and get rid of all the nasty weeds? Wanting to spruce up your bedroom and house? Now is the time! Some project may be limited, but lots of things can be purchased on amazon and other online retailers to progress with a new project while you’re stuck at home.

Deep cleaning is always an option as well, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you don’t already have the supplies. When I went to the store the other day, they were completely out of all cleaning supplies, even Swiffer Sweeper wet refills! Apparently people think that mopping their floors excessively will keep the virus away. Tip: If no one leaves or enters your house, nothing that is not already there will suddenly appear!

Had some furniture sitting in the garage collecting dust day after day? Is there some paint you’ve had sitting around months on end because you haven’t had the time to get to painting? Now is a great time to refresh your project ideas and get some old ones out of the way. Plus, new furniture or a new paint job always makes the place feel new again.

This down time has given me the inspiration to bring my old elliptical standing bike from outside and wipe down all the pollen from it so that I could begin using it indoors! Being at home all day and having the chance to eat everytime you want it, isn’t exactly amazing for your body at the end of the day sometimes.

Get Out of the House

No, no. I do not mean go to the store unnecessarily and/or visit others and get close to everyone you see, if anyone, on the streets. All I mean is that sitting on your butt in your bedroom all day is NOT good for you, I promise. It’s proven that staying sedentary actually decreases your chances of feeling productive at the end of the day. So get off your but and take in a deep breath of the nice air the outdoors has to offer you. Unless there’s a lot of pollen and you’re severely allergic. Then, it may be a slight problem.

Have a dog? He/She probably needs a walk anyways. Take him/her out, but stay away from people. Have a patio? Drink your coffee out there. Have a good sized front yard area? Take a seat and enjoy the sun. It is still out there, guys.

Learn Boundaries

There may have never been enough time or need to make clear boundaries with those around you, if there are any. But this counts, even if you’re living alone. Creating boundaries can be split into two seperate categories, which we can define as used with others and yoruself.

Your Own Boundaries: These count for all living situations. It’s easy to slack off, and if you don’t make clear boundaries with yourself and don’t have discipline, you will end up going down the rabbit hole of procrastination, which neither of us want. Set boundaries of what you have to have done before spending idle time doing other things!

Boundaries with Others: If you are living with your family or roomates of any sort, it’s important that you establish boundaries with them! Remember to respect their boundaries in hopes that they will do the same to you. In my home, my bedroom is a loft and my boyfriend stays in a bedroom with a door downstairs. One clear boundary I have is for him to keep his door closed, especially if he’s making a lot of noise since I don’t have my own door. If you have work or meetings where you’re required to be attentive, be sure to communicate this to your roomates. It’s hard to respect boundaries when they have not been set!

Learn About Yourself

Have you really ever had the time before to sit down and devote some time to learning more about yourself? This is by far my favorite tip for keeping yourself happy, especially now that you have the time! Learning more about yourself guarantees better control over your emotions and yourself, as well as a chance to better understand the things you feel and do.

Whether this is through meditation, spending time on hobbies, or taking personality quizzes, anything is right so long as it feels right! My favorites are taking personality quizzes to find your specific personality type with lots of extra information on your type and asking yourself questions to better learn about yourself. I wrote my answers to all these questions on a paper a few years back, and time to time, I like to revisit it and see how things may have changed.

What are some things you have begun doing since the quarantine and being stuck at home, if you are at all? Have you been enjoying your time or does it feel like it’s the same as it was before? Let me know in the comments!

Join 50 other followers